Loss
Written for my friend Cary who went through all of this.
I WAS THERE I AM THERE I AM
After waiting waiting waiting
such joy and ecstasy
when I feel my womb inhabited again
and warm and rich and filled with dreamy songs
thanking God for the miracle gift of this child.
But now I am in a sea of stone
frozen to my very bone
I lie robbed before the eternal throne
naked, numb, and all alone.
The little warm life
just stretching forth from seed
unfolding into complicated organs
nobody like it in all the world,
being wonderfully knit together by the Creator.
Then ... from one moment to the next
EMPTINESS
Are You there, God?
Drifting in a sea of stone
frozen to the very bone
naked, numb, and all alone.
My purpose of life all ebbed away
No strength to fight through another day.
I lie naked before the eternal throne
cold and alone.
No life within me - my arms so bare.
Are you there, Jesus, are you there?
And yet, I choose to trust.
I must!
When all my hope is gone
with You I move on
with You I move on.
Opening my hands to You I give
the Ones who in my flesh did live.
And I know that my little ones
are in Your paradies,
Your garden of delight and surprise,
Where there is no crying and there is no pain,
And my innocent dead are alive again.
You gave me warm flesh for my heart of stone.
I'm raised up before Your eternal throne.
And You are my strength and you are my song
now - and through all eternity long.
I WAS THERE I AM THERE I AM